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<br>
<b class="tit">30 Craziest Lawsuits</b>


<br><i>Published on 12/7/2006</i><BR><BR>

<b>Sued Michael Jordan, because he looks like him</b><br>

<img src="/_media/imgs/articles/a51_jordan.jpg" align="right">

Allen Heckard sued Michael Jordan and Phil Knight on July 2006. Heckard claims he has 

suffered emotional trauma because he looks like Michael Jordan. Heckard has filed his 

look-alike case at the Washington County Court in Oregon and with a $832 million 

dollar head. Allen Heckard believes his life has been rough since people continually 

think he is Michael Jordan. Heckard says when he plays basketball, people are 

constantly telling him he plays like Michael Jordan and this has been difficult for 

him. Heckard is only six feet tall, so obviously those who assume he is Michael 

Jordan have little regard for height. Heckard even wears Air Jordan shoes, he says 

that they're the most comfortable. 

<BR><BR>



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<b>Sued after getting stuck on the house he was robbing</b><br>
In October 1998, A Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania was exiting a house he 

finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go 

up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re- enter the 

house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. 

The family was on vacation, so Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for 

eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog 

food. This upset Mr. Dickson, so he sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the 

situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a 

million dollars and change.

<br><br>


<b>Sued the school for being called "GAY"</b><br>
A small-town teenager who was bullied for years by classmates because they believed 

he was gay was awarded $440,000 in a settlement. The settlement ended a longrunning 

battle between the Tonganoxie School District and 18-year-old Dylan Theno, who sued 

in May 2004 claiming he was harassed with homophobic slurs from seventh grade until 

he quit school his junior year. Theno, who testified that he isn't gay, recently 

earned his GED and attends a vocational technical school in Kansas City.

<br><br>


<b>Sued after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler</b><br>
In January 2000, Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000.00 by a jury 

of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amuck 

inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at 

the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.

<br><br>

<b>Sued a after being bitten for a beagle he provoked</b><br>
In October 1999, Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500.00 and 

medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's 

beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced-in yard, as was Mr. 

Williams. The jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the 

time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

<br><br>

<b>Sued a restaurant after she slipped on a spilled drink</b><br>
In May 2000, a Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, 

Pennsylvania $113,500.00 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her 

coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 

seconds earlier during an argument.

<br><br>

<b>Sued a nightclub after she felt while sneaking out</b><br>
In December 1997, Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a 

night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor 

and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to 

sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. 

She was awarded $12,000.00 and dental expenses.

<br><br>

<b>Sued Winnebago after crashing it</b><br>
In November 2000 Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor home. On 

his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph 

and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of 

coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. 

Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the handbook that he couldn't 

actually do this. He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winnebago actually 

changed their handbooks on the back of this court case, just in case there are any 

other complete morons buying their vehicles.)

<br><br>

<b>Sued amusement park for not warning him to be careful of thunderstorms</b><br>
Shawn Perkins of Laurel, Ind. Perkins was hit by lightning in the parking lot 

Paramount's Kings Island amusement park in Mason, Ohio. A classic "act of God", 

right? No, says Perkins' lawyer. "That would be a lot of people's knee-jerk reaction 

in these types of situations." The lawyer has filed suit against the amusement park 

asking unspecified damages, arguing the park should have "warned" people not to be 

outside during a thunderstorm.

<br><br>

<b>Sued against fast-good giants for being fat</b><br>
Caesar Barber, 56, of New York City. Barber, who is 5-foot-10 and 270 pounds, says he 

is obese, diabetic, and suffers from heart disease because fast food restaurants 

forced him to eat their fatty food four to five times per week. He filed suit against 

McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and KFC, who "profited enormously" and asked for 

unspecified damages because the eateries didn't warn him that junk food isn't good 

for him. The judge threw the case out twice, and barred it from being filed a third 

time. Is that the end of such McCases? No way: lawyers will just find another 

plaintiff and start over, legal scholars say.

<br><br>

<b>Sued his old school for being kicked off the school's baseball team</b><br>
Cole Bartiromo, 18, of Mission Viejo, Calif. After making over $1 million in the 

stock market, the feds made Bartiromo pay it all back: he gained his profits, they 

said, using fraud. Bartiromo played baseball at school, but after his fraud case 

broke he was no longer allowed to participate in extracurricular sports. Bartiromo 

clearly learned a lot while sitting in federal court: he wrote and filed his own 

lawsuit against his high school, reasoning that he had planned on a pro baseball 

career but, because he was kicked off the school's team, pro scouts wouldn't be able 

to discover him. His suit demands the school reimburse him for the great salary he 

would have made in the majors, which he figures is $50 million.

<br><br>

<b>Pedo priest sued his victim for warning others about him</b><br>
 Priest David Hanser, 70. Hanser was one of the first Catholic priests to be caught 

up in the sex abuse scandal. In 1990, he settled a suit filed by one of his victims 

for $65,000. In the settlement, Hanser agreed not to work with children anymore, but 

the victim learned that Hanser was ignoring that part of the agreement. The victim 

appealed to the church, asking it to stop Hanser from working near children, but the 

church would not intervene. "It's up to the church to decide where he works," argued 

the priest's lawyer. When the outraged victim went to the press to warn the public 

that a pedo priest was near children, Hanser sued him for the same $65,000 because he 

violated his own part of the deal -- to keep the settlement secret. The message is 

clear: shut up about outrageous abuse, or we'll sue you for catching us.

<br><br>

<b>Sued the neighbor he was trying to steal from</b><br>
In June 1998, a 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000.00 and medical 

expenses when his neighbor ran his hand over with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman 

apparently didn't notice someone was at the wheel of the car whose hubcap he was 

trying to steal.

<br><br>

<b>Moved to a storage unit, then sued the storage yard</b><br>
Wanda Hudson, 44, of Mobile, Ala. After Hudson lost her home to foreclosure, she 

moved her belongings to a storage unit. She says she was inside her unit one night 

"looking for some papers" when the storage yard manager found the door to her unit 

ajar -- and locked it. She denies that she was sleeping inside, but incredibly did 

not call for help or bang on the door to be let out! She was not found for 63 days 

and barely survived; the formerly "plump" 150-pound woman lived on food she just 

happened to have in the unit, and was a mere 83 pounds when she was found. She sued 

the storage yard for $10 million claiming negligence. Even though the jury was not 

allowed to learn that Hudson had previously diagnosed mental problems, it found 

Hudson was nearly 100 percent responsible for her own predicament -- but still 

awarded her $100,000.


<br><br>

<b>Sued his dog-sitter after the dog escaped</b><br>
Doug Baker, 45, of Portland, Ore. Baker says God "steered" him to a stray dog. He 

admits "People thought I was crazy" to spend $4,000 in vet bills to bring the injured 

mutt back to health, but hey, it was God's dog! But $4,000 was nothing: he couldn't 

even take his girlfriend out to dinner without getting a dog-sitter to watch him. 

When the skittish dog escaped the sitter, Baker didn't just put an ad in the paper, 

he bought display ads so he could include a photo. His business collapsed since he 

devoted full time to the search for the dog. He didn't propose to his girlfriend 

because he wanted the dog to deliver the ring to her. He hired four "animal psychics" 

to give him clues to the animal's whereabouts, and hired a witch to cast spells. He 

even spread his own urine around to "mark his territory" to try to lure the dog home! 

And, he said, he cried every day. Two months in to the search, he went looking for 

the dog where it got lost -- and quickly found it. His first task: he put a collar on 

the mutt. (He hadn't done that before for a dog that was so "valuable"?!) After 

finding the dog, he sued the dog sitter, demanding $20,000 for the cost of his 

search, $30,000 for the income he lost by letting his business collapse, $10,000 for 

"the temporary loss of the special value" of the dog, and $100,000 in "emotional 

damages" -- $160,000 total. God has not been named as a defendant.


<br><br>

<b>Policeman confused a Taser with a gun, killed a suspect, then sued Taser</b><br>
The City of Madera, Calif. Madera police officer Marcy Noriega had the suspect from a 

minor disturbance handcuffed in the back of her patrol car. When the suspect started 

to kick at the car's windows, Officer Noriega decided to subdue him with her Taser. 

Incredibly, instead of pulling her stun gun from her belt, she pulled her service 

sidearm and shot the man in the chest, killing him instantly. The city, however, says 

the killing is not the officer's fault; it argues that "any reasonable police 

officer" could "mistakenly draw and fire a handgun instead of the Taser device" and 

has filed suit against Taser, arguing the company should pay for any award from the 

wrongful death lawsuit the man's family has filed. What a slur against every 

professionally trained police officer who knows the difference between a real gun and 

a stun gun! And what a cowardly attempt to escape responsibility for the actions of 

its own under-trained officer.

<BR><BR>

<b>Sued the school over 10-day suspension</b><br>
Kids across America are warned to stay away from "nose candy" in anti-drug campaigns. 

But a Kanawha County student is fighting his suspension for pretending to put actual 

candy up his nose. According to a lawsuit filed in Kanawha Circuit Court on December 

2006, a student-athlete at Sissonville High School was given Smarties candy as a 

reward for good academic performance. In front of his teacher and fellow classmates, 

the student pretended to put one of the small candy discs up his nose.

<BR><BR>

<b>Sued him for having the same name</b><br>
The Tribune Co. of Chicago, Ill. The newspaper chain owns several newspapers, as well 

as the Chicago Cubs baseball team. One of its newspaper carriers was Mark Guthrie, 

43, of Connecticut. One of its ball players was Mark Guthrie, 38, of Illinois. The 

company's payroll department mixed the two up, putting the ballplayer's paycheck into 

the paper carrier's bank account. The carrier allowed them to take back 90 percent of 

the improperly paid salary, and said they could have the rest after they gave him a 

full accounting to ensure he not only got his own pay, but wouldn't have any tax 

problems for being paid $300,000(!) extra. The Tribune Co., rather than provide that 

reasonable assurance, instead sued him for the rest of the money.

<br><br>

<b>Sued Consumer Reports magazine after bad review</b><br>
"High Tech" retailer Sharper Image sells a lot of its "Ionic Breeze" air filters. As 

part of a comparative review of many air filters, Consumer Reports magazine found the 

"Ionic" unit was the worst performer. SI complained, saying it didn't do a "fair" 

test. CU asked what sort of test should be done, but SI never replied -- until it 

sued CU. A federal judge ruled the suit not only had no merit, but was actually an 

illegal attempt to squelch public discussion. SI was ordered to pay CU $400,000 to 

cover its legal defense costs.

<br><br>

<b>Sued GM because of roof standards after accident</b><br>
Edith Morgan, mother of Kansas City Chiefs football star Derrick Thomas, who died 

after being thrown from his SUV in a crash while speeding in a snowstorm. Morgan said 

Thomas's neck was broken because the SUV's roof collapsed a few inches -- not from 

rolling down the highway because he wasn't wearing a seatbelt -- and sued General 

Motors. Her lawyer begged jurors to award more than $100 million in damages, perhaps 

more -- he "did not want to put an upper limit on it." GM pointed out that Thomas's 

oversize SUV was exempt from federal roof crush standards, yet it met them anyway. 

The jury sent a message: of that $100 million, it awarded Morgan ...nothing.

<br><br>

<b>Sued Radio Shack for misspelling her town</b><br>
Tanisha Torres of Wyndanch, N.Y. The woman sued Radio Shack for misspelling her town 

as "Crimedanch" on her cell phone bill. She didn't even ask them to change it; she 

just sued. "I'm not a criminal," she whined. "My son plays on the high school 

football team." Yeah, that makes sense. The name "Crimedanch" is a common joke; 

police in the area confirm it's a high-crime area. Still, Torres claimed she suffered 

"outrage" and "embarrassment" at having to see that spelling on her private phone 

bill. The suit seeks unspecified damages.

<br><br>

<b>Sued Mazda because it failed to provide instructions about the seatbelt</b><br>
Mary Ubaudi of Madison County, Ill. Ubaudi was a passenger in a car that got into a 

wreck. She put most of the blame on the deepest pocket available: Mazda Motors, who 

made the car she was riding in. Ubaudi demands "in excess of $150,000" from the 

automaker, claiming it "failed to provide instructions regarding the safe and proper 

use of a seatbelt." One hopes Mazda's attorneys make her swear in court that she has 

never before worn a seatbelt, has never flown on an airliner, and that she's too 

stupid to figure out how to fasten a seatbelt.

<br><br>



<b>Sued Blain and Copperfield to demand they reveal their secrets to him</b><br>
Christopher Roller of Burnsville, Minn. Roller is mystified by professional 

magicians, so he sued David Blaine and David Copperfield to demand they reveal their 

secrets to him -- or else pay him 10 percent of their lifelong earnings, which he 

figures amounts to $50 million for Copperfield and $2 million for Blaine. The basis 

for his suit: Roller claims that the magicians defy the laws of physics, and thus 

must be using "godly powers" -- and since Roller is god (according to him), they're 

"somehow" stealing that power from him.
<br><br>




<b>Sued neighbors after being scared of them walking on her front porch</b><br>
Wanita "Renea" Young of Durango, Colo. Two neighborhood teens baked cookies for their 

neighbors as an anonymous gesture of good will, but Young got scared when she heard 

them on her front porch. They apologized, in writing, but Young sued them anyway for 

causing her distress, demanding $3,000. When she won(!!) $900, she crowed about it in 

the newspaper and on national TV. Now, she's shocked (shocked!) that everyone in town 

hates her for her spite, and is afraid she may have to move. But hey: she won.
<br><br>



<b>Sued the bank for loss of sleep over fee</b><br>
Barnard Lorence of Stuart, Fla. Lorence managed to overdraw his own bank account. 

When the bank charged him a service fee for the overdraft, he filed suit over his 

"stress and pain" and loss of sleep over the fee. A few hundred thousand bucks, he 

says, will only amount to a "slap on the wrist", whereas the $2 million he's suing 

for is more like being "paddled". 
<br><br>




<b>Sued a store for "allowing" wild birds to fly around in the air</b><br>
Rhonda Nichols. She says a wild bird "attacked" her outside a home improvement store 

in Fairview Heights, Ill., causing head injuries. That's right: outside the store. 

Yet Nichols still held the Lowe's store responsible for "allowing" wild birds to fly 

around free in the air. She never reported the incident to the store, but still sued 

for "at least" $100,000 in damages. In January 2006, the case was thrown out of 

court.
<br><br>




<b>Sued the phone company after having complications with the doctor</b><br>
Michelle Knepper of Vancouver, Wash. Knepper picked a doctor out of the phone book to 

do her liposuction, and went ahead with the procedure even though the doctor was only 

a dermatologist, not a plastic surgeon. After having complications, she complained 

she never would have chosen that doctor had she known he wasn't Board Certified in 

the procedure. (She relied on the phonebook listing over asking the doctor, or 

looking for a certificate on his wall?!) So she sued ...the phone company! She won 

$1.2 million plus $375,000 for her husband for "loss of spousal services and 

companionship."
<br><br>




<b>Sued the rescue workers who saved her</b><br>
Barbara Connors of Medfield, Mass. Connors was riding in a car driven by her 

70-year-old(!) son-in-law when they crashed into the Connecticut River, and Connors 

sank with the car. Rescue divers arrived within minutes and got her out alive, but 

Connors suffered brain damage from her near-drowning. Sue the driver? Sure, we guess 

that's reasonable. But she also sued the brave rescue workers who risked their lives 

to save hers.
<br><br>



<b>Sued Home Depot after a prankster smeared glue on the toilet seat</b><br>
Bob Dougherty. A prankster smeared glue on the toilet seat at the Home Depot store in 

Louisville, Colo., causing Dougherty to stick to it when he sat down. "This is not 

Home Depot's fault," he proclaimed, yet the store graciously offered him $2,000 

anyway. Dougherty complained the offer is "insulting" and filed suit demanding $3 

million.
<br><br>


<b>Sued hospital for having to see the doctors rushing to help their mother</b><br>
Sisters Janice Bird, Dayle Bird Edgmon and Kim Bird Moran sued their mother's doctors 

and a hospital after Janice accompanied her mother, Nita Bird, to a minor medical 

procedure. When something went wrong, Janice and Dayle witnessed doctors rushing 

their mother to emergency surgery. Rather than malpractice, their legal fight 

centered on the "negligent infliction of emotional distress" -- not for causing 

distress to their mother, but for causing distress to them for having to see the 

doctors rushing to help their mother. The case was fought all the way to the 

California Supreme Court, which finally ruled against the women. Which is a good 

thing, since if they had prevailed doctors and hospitals would have had no choice but 

to keep you from being anywhere near your family members during medical procedures 

just in case something goes wrong. In their greed, the Bird sisters risked everyone's 

right to have family members with them in emergencies.
<br><br>


 
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